The Bachelorette Week Five Recap

Left off of the Luke Drama…

Luke P. is not a good dude, thanks for that Jed. He’s a liar. He says one thing and then not 30 minutes later, he’ll say something completely different. I try to understand his POV, and like…if he screwed up or was a good guy at first—but he’s 100 percent a liar. No going around that.

I do trust Luke S., and I think he has good intentions, but when his “tequila company” is mentioned, it just makes me trust him just a little bit less. LIKE there has to be some reason why Luke P. mentioned it. He heard you speak of it. If you knew he was a psychopath and a liar, then you shouldn’t have said anything that would’ve blown up in your face in front of him.

Daddy Chris is for real Daddy Chris. He’s here to protect Hannah’s heart—and he’s not playing around. YES.

Rose ceremony: Even standing Luke P. looks like a psychopath.

Peter, Connor, Dylan, Dustin, Mike, Kevin, Devin, Grant, Luke P., Garrett and Tyler C. all have roses. We are sending John Paul Jones and some other dude home. TEAR. JPJ, you will be missed but we will DEFINITELY be seeing you in paradise. Bye Rhode Island, hello sunny beach of Mexico!


First one-on-one date: Mike.

During the whiskey tasting, both Hannah and Mike got TIPSY and I love tipsy Alabama Hannah. “I got a lil swaggy in my step” is ME walking out of the bar.

And then Mike is rockin’ that turtleneck sweater. I am loving his style and his “swag.” He’s so nervous and awkward—my heart is LITERALLY melting.

So, MIKEEEEEE. A big mood! They don’t have the greatest chemistry—I see them being great “buddies.” (And, I see Mike being the next Bachelor.) He’s nervous and scared to admit his feelings—because he’s scared to get his heart broken again. He is still so sweet, trying to reveal his feelings. I love the fact that he said he was not yet ready but he is 31 and has learned a lot. He is starting to open up but he has good reason to not open up. I don’t see him making it to the final two, but I definitely think he’s one of the top two contenders for Bachelor.

Group date: Peter, Jed, Connor, Garrett, Dylan, Kevin, Devin, Grant, Tyler C.

Peter the Pilot is so hot. In a kilt. Can I just marry him now?! Can I just make this post ALL about Peter the Pilot? No? K. All these guys literally showing their ass to Hannah…it’s like a pre-fantasy suite date. She’s getting a sneak preview and based on the look of her face, she has a tough decision to make in the coming weeks.

“Welcome to my castle” are you trying to be Taylor Swift?! I mean, the castle the guys are staying in remind me SO much of the mansion used in TS’s Blank Space video.

Can I just point out that this is a group date with NO Luke P. drama. I am LIVING for it. I mean, she’s not going to send Luke P. home because the producers want/need drama.

Jed rockin’ that sweater is looking like a SNACK. Lord Jed. That’s what I’m going to call him from now on. LORD JED. Hannah and Jed making out hot and heavy like DAMN. And then Kevin walking in is just a meme. Someone NEEDS to make Kevin a meme. I would, but I mean…nah.

Peter setting up this pool table has my heart melting. Like ahhhh he’s just so attractive and sweet and innocent and he must be protected at all costs.

Group date rose: Jed.

Second one-on-one date: Luke P.

Luke P. — let’s talk about him for a second:

I don’t see him being here for the influencer status, but he’s honestly…a “big ass douche canoe,” said by Devin. Just by watching the recaps, I think Hannah is going to send Luke P. home. Let me say, the guys have good reason to constantly question his intentions. They see the REAL side of Luke P., the true personality. In front of Hannah, he can put up a front. But he can show his true colors in front of the other guys. Hannah is going to see through his lies really quick. Every time his face is on the screen, I want to scream at Hannah to SEND HIM HOME.

He picked up his own date card. He picked up his own date card. He picked up his OWN date card. Some part of me wants to feel bad for him, but like…no. He picked up his own date card. LOL.

Luke P. is hearing words and it’s going one ear and out the other—and then making up something to say to Hannah. “I wanna give you clarity” all you’re giving is lies!!!

There’s really nothing else to say. This is up to Hannah and if she wants to send him home, she will send him home. She won’t base her decision on anyone but herself. Not the producers, the other guys, Chris, or anyone.

Side note: macaroni and cheese over spaghetti. 100 percent.

Luke P: the bad boy effect. She still has feelings for the bad boy Luke P. It’s like he put a spell or charm on her. The problem with him: he can’t own up to his flaws. Period. Hannah said it perfectly.

This one-on-one date feels (and looks) like a soap opera. FINALLY Hannah picks up the rose. FINALLY. And she is……SENDING HIM HOME. YAS GIRL YAS.


And…of course they’re leaving us on a cliffhanger. What’s happening with Garrett? Why is Hannah crying? Is Daddy Chris coming to the rescue? Who’s going to be the next “villain” (hate using that word!)? AND is Luke P. really gone??

Next week, on #TheBachelorette (I’ll probably be a day late)…


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