The Bachelorette: Week Four Recap

A Little Bachelorette Week Three Recap

I missed the last half of last week’s episode, so here’s a quick recap of last week’s episode!

Group Date: Jonathan, Mateo, John Paul Jones, Kevin, Jed, Tyler C., Mike, Cam

I need a Mike in my life! YAS Alabama Hannah, show your representatives what women go through!!! It’s Jason Biggs?! What in the world got him to be on this show?! This date is making me CRINGE. Jed is the obvious winner of Hannah’s heart. I love Mike SO freaking much. Is he TRYING to be the next black Bachelor?! I can’t wait to see Cam implode. He’s obviously being SO desperate. I take back EVERYTHING I said about Cam. Cam, “Always Be Cam” and you’ll get sent home. “His insecurities are showing.” OK but what does Cam have to share? Why aren’t the producers showing it? It must not be THAT important. And here come all the guys with their 15 minutes of fame talking about Cam. I mean, everyone on this show is looking for their 15 minutes of fame, regardless if they’re here for the right reasons.

Hannah’s like what are these guys doing?! “What goes around comes around” OMG Cam stop self-imploding but please don’t because you need to get sent home. Why are you even talking to JPJ but I feel like what I’ve seen, JPJ can get along with ANYONE.

Jonathan!!!! My cutie pie!!!

What is JPJ eating. First, can I have it? He’s just eating whatever that is while Cam is intently staring at Jonathan. JPJ is a MOOD. It me in boy form.

Tyler C. is not the type of guy that would marry Hannah. He’s the type that would go all the way for a podcast, and then dump her for some other girl. Honestly, see him in Paradise. He’s auditioning for Paradise, but his audition is going so much better than Luke P’s or Cam’s.

One-on-one date: Connor S.

“I’m pumped, I’m pumped.” I love him. HE better not turn out to be a jerk. Cam and Luke P. got me with trust issues, I can’t deal man.

I feel bad for Hannah, and this is a great opportunity to see Connor in a great light. Like to have a man be with you while you’re feeling down. It’s not about a man taking care of a woman and certainly not about setting the women’s movement back, but it’s about having companionship and not being alone while sick. Plus, it doesn’t help that Connor S. is being extremely sweet.

THIS IS WHERE MY EPISODE FELL, AND I DIDN’T DO A RECAP OF THE REST OF THE EPISODE WHERE I LEFT OFF THREE DAYS LATER. APOLOGIES.

Short recap: Cam, Jonathan, and some other guy got sent home. Cam, “Always Be Cam” is always self-imploding.

 

The Bachelorette Week Four Recap

OKAY I AM READY. The wine is poured, my Twitter app is open, and I am ready to dish the tea. Not to be dramatic, but this is the most dramatic season

Newport, RI?? WHOA, I love this place, it’s so charming! Plus, isn’t it near where Taylor Swift lives?? WAIT…Hannah is in Boston? So the guys are in Rhode Island and Hannah’s in Boston? Wow, they’re really trying to avoid that fence jump LOL.

First one-on-one date: Jed.

I am PUMPED for this date. I think Jed has the potential to win the whole thing, I’m with Jimmy Kimmel (read: his wife) on this one. They have a natural chemistry and I’m excited to see their relationship progress! Also, their kiss was AMAZING. I am here for Jed. I see something between them, but I’m not sure if he’ll make it all the way. But I see their relationship progressing. Definitely not love at first sight, but I think their relationship has the potential.

OK, is it just me or is it this date didn’t get exciting until they arrived to the basketball court? If I were Jed, I would TOTALLY keep that jersey. Let’s be honest, I am Hannah trying to be good at basketball to impress a man. The only reason I’d ever play basketball. Also, if I haven’t mentioned this yet, Jed is EXTREMELY attractive but not in a douche-y way.

Jed is about to spill the TEA. On his life. “Music is like my passion.” I love him. WAIT, just remembered he was a stripper. Okay…….him being honest about coming on the show for his reasons, is respectable. He’s having a REAL conversation and he’s not giving any BS. He’s falling for her. He is. He’s like the contestant that’s really not on there for the “platform,” because he already went on there looking for that and actually found a possible relationship with Hannah. Not a relationship with Instagram influencer status, but with HANNAH.

YAS. Jed deserves this rose. Aw, he had to pause and kiss her before accepting the rose. Shows he’s not here for the roses, but here for the RELATIONSHIP.

Second group date: Luke P., Connor S., Mike, Devin, Luke S., Peter the Pilot, Dustin, Kevin, Devin, Garrett, Matteo, JPJ, Dylan

Hannah was that football girl at Alabama who was down bottom bleachers who was SCREAMING at the game. Also, can I just get a replay of JPJ during this whole rugby game?

Kevin fell on his shoulder and tried to get Hannah time, but looks like he didn’t…the paramedics got the most time with him. Luke P. is INSANE. He reminds me of that guy from American Pie…Steve Stickler. I just want to scream at Hannah, “stay away from Luke P.!!!!”

Mike, Garrett and Luke S. all on the same team just make my heart melt!! And the sight of Luke P. breathing heavy with a mouth guard in just creeps me TF out. He does pose a threat to other people and I generally worry about his issues.

Peter the Pilot just commenting on anything and everything, he’s so PERFECT.

OK but seriously, why is Dustin sitting out? He’s not in uniform…is it because it’s an uneven amount of players?! Did he bring an excuse note? Me in gym class. I mean if he sat out, then that means he witnessed the Luke P./Luke S. incident!

The Luke S. Drama…

HE IS LYING. HE IS STRAIGHT UP LYING. LUKE P. IS STRAIGHT LYING. DON’T BELIEVE HIM HANNAH. He is obviously lying. “Not at all.” BRUH, you’ve made so many enemies in the house just by being a psychopath. I see a Chad 2.0…I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—and I will keep saying it! STOP MAKING UP LIES ABOUT LUKE S. !!!!!!

Hannah is just not into this drama…like she wants to end it right here, and wants to maintain relationships with the serious guys in the house. Now Luke S. is coming, and they’re going to talk. Finally, the tea is coming out.

OK, why would the other guys talk about their relationship with Hannah? I get gushing over your girl and stuff, and that’s SO sweet, but there is this thing called privacy and not sharing every little thing—something that Luke P. doesn’t understand.

Dustin is comin’ in hot with the tea. I feel like he can offer a neutral side. And then Mike, he’s known to spill the tea. He most definitely will have a podcast when this show is over. OOH, Mike calling Luke P. a psychopath, I love it. Omg stop it Luke P. Don’t act like you didn’t just come from a talk with a producer to start this drama and act like a crazy person to make good TV. The two Lukes in the room, we all know the obvious winner here: Luke S.

SIDE NOTE: Kevin is BACK!

Garrett is trying to score points with Hannah by wearing an all-red suit. Love that!!! Aw, he has that sweet Alabama vibe going for him, and I definitely think Hannah is falling for his Southern charm. Prediction: he’s getting the group date rose.

OK, here to interrupt our regularly-scheduled romance with the Luke drama (yes, the two Lukes drama). Luke S. definitely lost credibility because I just can’t trust him after Luke P. mentioned he had a tequila company.

Peter is so naïve and I love him so much. He’s innocent and he must be protected by all costs. He makes me cry in a good way. He makes my heart melt. AHHH. If she doesn’t pick him, I might cry but then I realize that he’ll be single…

One-on-one date with Tyler C.

UGH the time she’s wasting on Luke P. is too much. Like GIRL, stop wasting the tears on Luke P. A guy that treats a woman right and know when to treat her right based on her mental health is a guy that I can respect.

SIDE NOTE: as Hannah and Tyler C. were making out on a lobster boat, I was holding my cat and my cat was rejecting me. Love dogs!

SEE, Hannah thought he was a player too! He gives off that player vibe. His story IS sweet, and I totally respect him or talking about his dad. I get it, family means everything. Trust me, I get it. But if he’s lying BOI and/or he has a GF or he is a psychopath (jk, that’s only Luke P.), then I’m gonna have major trust issues. But I’m looking at Tyler C. now and I really think he’s genuine. He’s not naive or innocent-looking like Peter, but he’s definitely not a psychopath like Luke P. Something in between. OK, what concert is this…

…Jake Owen! I love him. I mean, he’s kind of a big deal so what’s his career doing, him having to take a deal to be on The Bachelorette? It’s like Reese Witherspoon going on Dancing with the Stars. But country music is all about romance, and I have to give it to The Bachelor franchise for bringing on another country music singer.

Cocktail Party…

“Hopefully there is no drama,” Mike said. Same, Mike, same. But we know that’s not true. OF COURSE Luke P. makes a statement and then someone just took a sip…MOOD.

PROTECT PETER AT ALL COSTS.

He’s very innocent and sweet, like too sweet to be on this show. Did he just ask her to be his girlfriend? My heart is MELTING. Melting!!!

Me rn to Peter:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mike, Peter, Tyler C., Jed, and Connor S. are here for HANNAH. They might be interested in a little more followers on Instagram, but overall, they are here for Hannah. Especially Connor S. and Peter. They don’t give AF about Instagram honestly. Connor S. and Peter are angels sent from above.

Luke P. looks like he’s going to go off. He clenches his fist AND he has his phone? Huh? I thought they weren’t allowed to have phones? Did he really just bribe a producer to use their phone?

Hannah, stop blaming Luke S!!! He literally did nothing wrong. I don’t think she’s siding with Luke P., she just doesn’t know who to trust. LUKE P. IS A SNAKE for going behind his back. He literally said one thing and literally not 30 seconds later, said that Luke S. asked him to “speak on his behalf.” Alright, if I had any sympathy for Luke P., I don’t anymore. He straight up lied.

Hannah is going to send both them home. Side note: the producers showed a clip of Connor’s face during this fight, and he looked BORED. That face is everything.

Recap and Best Tweets of the Night

 

Alright so it looks like next week is the rose ceremony and the conversation between the two Lukes and Hannah. ABC is really going to make us wait a whole week? YEP. Of course they would…it wouldn’t be The Bachelor franchise without a dramatic cliffhanger.

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