It’s been a while, but I’m here. I want to apologize to whoever may be reading this because I haven’t written a blog post in a while. IDK if you even read my blog posts or just happened to stumble across my “little corner of the Internet.” But if you’re here, you’re here. So why don’t you stick around?
I haven’t written in a while. I’ve neglected my laptop. Every time I try to even write a sentence, my brain just shuts down. Nothing comes out. My bones refuse to get up and mozy on over to my desk and open my laptop. My bones want me to stay in bed and click “next episode” on Gilmore Girls.
I’m an inconsistent blogger. Let’s be honest.
So now, alas, I’m here. I’m here in WordPress writing out this post where I have no clue what to write about. I’m just writing. Some would say, I’m writing from the heart. See, I’ve had a rough couple of days. Lately, I’ve felt emptiness, loneliness, and a little lost. It’s not loneliness where I feel like I have no one, but loneliness in the fact that I feel weak. I feel like I can’t accomplish anything and I feel like the only person in the world who hasn’t accomplished something with their life. It’s funny, ironically, that I feel like that. Because I have the best family anyone could ask for. My mom is my best friend, my dad is the best teacher, and my two brothers are awesome protectors. My family is my shield, my comfort.
But I’ve felt lost. I’ve felt lost these past few days. I won’t get into the specifics, but I will just tell you I’ve felt lost to the point where I don’t even know my way out anymore. I feel like Dora the Explorer asking the Map for directions and the Map isn’t responding. “BACKPACK, BACKPACK!” Sorry, I had to.
I’ve felt lost before. I’ve been the one screaming “BACKPACK, BACKPACK” when all hope is lost. I’ve felt like the whole world is against me. And when I feel lost like that, the place I turn to is God. God, the only person who will turn to me and place His hand on my shoulder and whisper in my ear “I gotchu, Liv.” Sometimes, I trust him for a millisecond. I trust Him, and then two hours later, I’m stressing about something else. But you know what’s so great about Him? He’s STILL THERE. God is still there, waiting in the wings — nay, center stage — ready to welcome you back with open arms. And he’ll say, “I still got you. Trust me, okay?” And more and more, I’m learning to trust him even in the hard times. Even when I’m feeling lost and empty and not okay. I look to Him and everything feels so…simple.
One of my favorite books of the Bible I turn to is Isaiah. His book brings strength, courage, and mightiness into my bones. I feel strengthened whenever I turn to Isaiah. Here’s one of my favorite, most flipped through verses from Isaiah:
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” -Isaiah 40:29-31
I’m in no way perfect. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve been lost. I’ve done stupid, dumb, reckless things that turn away from God. And I even felt like God turned his back on me. I’ve felt hopeless. But the beauty in God’s grace is that he doesn’t turn his back on anyone. He doesn’t walk away. He stands there, waiting for you with open arms. He tells you that you’re worth it, that you’re enough, that you’re awesome. He is my Creator. He created me. He created me; that makes me something special.
The next time I feel lost, hopeless, and just plain ugly, I’m not going to sink in a puddle of tears and refuse to get out of bed. I’m going to get up, look in the mirror, and repeat what God has been whispering in my ear since the day I was born: you are worth it.